


If The World Was Ending

by altargaryen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A quarantine love story, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Board Games, Eventual Smut, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Neighbors, Pining, Soft Ben Solo, Strangers to Lovers, They're both lonely till they're not, quarantine buddies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:01:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24827248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/altargaryen/pseuds/altargaryen
Summary: The media could call it whatever they wanted: Social distancing, self-quarantine, isolation. To Ben, it was simply an ideal day in the life.So, with his stockpile of food, enough craft beer to keep him drunk for a week, and a literal laundry basket full of toilet paper, Ben settled in for what was sure to be a quiet, uneventful month of working remotely and watching all the movies the theaters were supposed to be showing for half the price.Thenshecame knocking on his door.***A Quarantine Love Story
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 22
Kudos: 339





	If The World Was Ending

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this bugger in fits and spurts since all this craziness began so many months ago, but I was finally able to return to my coffee shop writing den today, and so, I present to you, my own version of a socially distanced Reylo love story.
> 
> (I promise to finish APBoJ at some point too... really... I do...)

The first time he set eyes on her, he died a little inside. 

She was stunning. Not in a superficial, done up, head-to-toe supermodel kind of way. Because she wasn’t. A supermodel anyway. She didn’t have a spot of makeup on, and her hair was pulled up in some kind of messy three bun hairstyle the likes of which he’d never seen on anyone else before. Yet, somehow, that very quirk made her all the more appealing.

And that was before he’d even heard her voice. 

“Oh!”

One word. Hardly even a word really. More like a gasp. A breath. A stab wound directly to his heart. 

“Sorry.” He mumbled, like the idiot he was. 

“No, uh…” Her fingers brushed back a loose strand of soft brown hair behind her ear. “It’s okay. You just startled me, that’s all.”

He was staring. He knew he was staring. But for some utterly unfathomable reason, he couldn’t bring himself to stop. 

“I’m Rey, by the way.” She stuck her hand out in the space between them, forcing his eyes to leave the perfect smattering of freckles that dotted her pink cheeks. 

“Ben.” He managed, taking her hand and shaking it lightly.

The small smile she gifted him might as well have been a slap to the face. 

“Do you live here?” She asked, sounding almost shy. It took every ounce of willpower he possessed not to whimper in response. 

“Uh, yeah.” He cleared his throat, forcing his thumb behind him in what he could only hope was a casual looking gesture as his eyes fell to the floor. “I’m in this one.” 

“Really?” He braved a glance upward, finding that her smile was, in fact, as glorious as the rest of her. “I guess that means we’re wall buddies. I just moved in here.”

“Cool.” 

That was the best he could do? _Cool?_ His mother would be appalled that the money she’d spent on his education had resulted in such eloquence. Not to mention that the word did not do nearly enough to express the complete and utter delight he felt at the idea of sharing anything with her, even if that thing was just a wall. A much too thin wall. One that was attached to his bedroom, where he would no doubt be spending an embarrassing amount of time doing things he should really not be doing while imagining her perfect mouth, and her tiny hands, and her long tanned legs, and…

“Ben?”

Shit. He was staring again.

“It was nice to meet you.” She said, her cheeks now a frankly stunning shade of pink. “Hopefully I’ll see you around?”

“Uh, yeah.” Why was he nodding so aggressively? Why was he breathing? Why was he even a person? “Yeah, definitely.”

She gifted him one more smile before leaving him standing there staring after her, memorizing the way her ass looked in those tiny denim shorts as she scampered away. 

He came harder than he ever had in his life that night, on his couch, far, far away from the wall they shared, panting, sweaty, desperate, and alone. Oh so very, very alone.

***

The news was ominous, but it was also far away. His morning podcast was discussing the situation with increasing frequency, but the fact that it was all happening on the other side of the world meant he didn’t have to worry about it. He had other things on his mind, like his sadistic boss, or his fraught relationship with his uncle, or the fact that he’d once again jacked off to the image of his unfairly hot neighbor in that tiny little bikini she’d been wearing down by the pool yesterday when he’d ventured out of his place to use the community grill.

So yeah, the epidemic across the ocean wasn’t great. But things at home weren’t exactly better. And there was only so much a guy could handle before he lost his shit completely.

***

It took Snoke far longer than it should have to let them work from home. Long enough that he’d barely had enough time to run to the store to stock up on things like food and soap and toilet paper. 

He’d never realized how important things like toilet paper were. Honestly, he’d never given toilet paper much thought at all. Not until he was standing in the paper aisle of his local grocery watching two women go at each other like they were competing in the Hunger Games. It might’ve been ironically amusing if it hadn’t been real life, people once again reminding him of exactly why he avoided others whenever possible.

The media could call it whatever they wanted: Social distancing, self-quarantine, isolation. To Ben, it was simply an ideal day in the life. 

So, with his stockpile of food, enough craft beer to keep him drunk for a week, and a literal laundry basket full of toilet paper, Ben settled in for what was sure to be a quiet, uneventful month of working remotely and watching all the movies the theaters were supposed to be showing for half the price. 

Then _she_ came knocking on his door.

***

“I’m so sorry.” 

The words flew out of her mouth before his door was even all the way open. She was breathless, clearly embarrassed, and unbe-freaking-leavably beautiful.

“I’m not sick I promise.” She plowed on, her hands twisting together in front of her stomach. “Well, okay, I guess I can’t promise that. But I’m pretty sure I’m not. I feel fine, I don’t have a fever or a cough or…”

“Hey.” He replied, reaching for her shoulders without realizing what he was doing. “Breathe Rey. Or you _are_ going to be short of breath soon.”

A nervous laugh passed between her lips as she looked up at him from beneath hooded lashes, letting him brush his hands down her arms without flinching. “Right. Sorry. I’ve just… well, I’m feeling really anxious, I guess.”

“Can’t say I blame you.” 

There it was, that smile. Small, sweet, a little bit shy. He felt his own face twisting into one of its own, which was… different. But good. It felt… nice? Yeah. Maybe he should try it more often. Probably.

Rey cleared her throat, reminding him that he was, once again, staring. “So, uh, I was wondering if you had some spare toilet paper? I couldn’t get to the store before they ran out and I uh... ” Her face was bright red now. A lovely shade. His favorite maybe. No, definitely.

“Yeah actually.” He answered, saving her from stuttering over her request any longer. “Had to fight some old lady for it, but...”

Rey’s eyes blew wide, and it occurred to him that hazel was a seriously underrated eye color. 

“Did you really?” She asked, and Ben couldn’t help but chuckle at the shock on her face. 

“Uh, no.” He shook his head, dropping his hands away. “But I did manage to stock up. You can come in if you want. I’ll go grab it.”

“Oh, okay, great.” She nodded nervously, stepping inside his apartment and letting the door close behind her as he left her to fetch a couple rolls from his stash. When he returned he found her eyes wandering over his home, taking in every inch. He was grateful for her momentary distraction, granting himself permission to admire her from afar while he still could. She was dressed comfortably in an oversized sweatshirt and gray sweatpants, her hair thrown back in what he was quickly discovering was her signature hairstyle. But it was what was on her feet that caught his attention most. 

“Your place is really…”

“Are those ducks?”

Rey froze mid-sentence, her eyes trailing down to her feet. “Oh, um, yeah. They are.”

She was clearly embarrassed, which was the only reasonable explanation for the words that came out of his mouth next. 

“I like them.” 

He didn’t. Like them that is. Not actually. They were cute and all, but kind of kitschy for his taste, and somewhat childish and yet...

“Thanks.” She replied, her cheeks flushing that pretty shade of red once more. “And, uh, thanks for those too.”

Ben blinked twice before looking down to where her arm was now pointing, finding that he was, in fact, still toting two rolls of toilet paper in either hand. “Oh yeah.” He stepped toward her, holding up the white cylinders like an offering. “Here.”

Rey placed them carefully in her arms before looking up and meeting his eyes. She was shorter than he remembered. Then again he wasn’t sure he’d ever been this close to her. She was the perfect height to fit beneath his chin, or to press kisses to the top of her head, or bury his face in her warm brown hair or...Christ. He really needed to get control of himself. 

“Thanks again Ben.” She was backing away now, her head down and her free hand reaching for the door handle behind her. “Hopefully I won’t have to come bother you anymore.”

Something about the way she said it broke his heart a little, which was the only logical reason why his immediate response was “You can bother me anytime you like.”

Her head snapped up, eyes meeting his with something that looked a little too much like hope. But no. That couldn’t be right. 

“Really?”

“Uh, y-yeah.” He replied, running his hand through his hair. “It’s just me and all. Might get a little lonely.”

She smiled, a small, knowing thing and then nodded.“Okay. I promise I’ll wash my hands first.”

He laughed. Actually laughed. And he thought her smile might’ve grown just a little bit brighter as she stepped back out into the hallway and turned toward her door.

“Or you can just supply some hand sanitizer.” He leaned against his own door frame as he followed, watching as she swiped her key fob, apparently incapable of acting like a normal person and just letting her walk away. “You know, as payment. Though I am open to all forms.” 

The door clicked and she pushed it open, but not before she glanced back his way, eyes sparkling despite the false lighting of the hall. “Is that so?”

Crossing his arms over his chest, he shrugged. “Yup. Whatever you think my services are worth.” 

Rey hummed, “Careful what you wish for.” 

She was gone before he could respond, which was good, considering he was pretty sure he wouldn’t have been capable of proper speech had he tried anyway.

When he eventually came back to himself enough to return to his own home rather than gawk like an idiot at hers, he made possibly the strangest decision of his life. From that day forward he would be sure to maintain an unnecessarily well stocked laundry bin of toilet paper. 

You know, just in case. 

***

She didn’t knock on his door again for over a week (not that he was keeping track or anything), and it was for that exact reason that he didn’t think twice about opening the door shirtless. 

The high-pitched squeak that came out of her when he did had him regretting that decision immediately. 

“Oh my god.” She sounded breathless beneath the hand that had flown up to cover her mouth, her eyes glued to his bare chest. 

He could feel himself blushing, but he didn’t quite know why. Sure, it was a little awkward to be standing in the doorway half-naked while the woman that literally haunted his dreams stared at him like he’d spooked her. But she wasn’t exactly looking away, and he wasn’t exactly going to complain about it. 

“Rey?” 

“I, um.” She blinked twice, then looked toward the tupperware container in her hand. “I made cookies.”

Ben’s eyes drifted toward the container too, before looking back to find her staring at him once again. Smirking, he pushed the door open further. “Are you willing to share?”

Rey’s eyes drifted up to meet his again, then she blushed, nodding her head rapidly. “That was the idea, yes.”

Ben smiled. “Great. I’ll go put a shirt on.”

He must have been imagining the way her face fell when he turned to let her in.

Just like, later that night - after they’d finished off the cookies, and the spaghetti he’d made, and maybe a beer or two - he must’ve imagined his name echoing from the other side of the wall, called out like a sweet, sinful symphony meant for his ears alone. 

***

At promptly 5:30pm the next day, he worked up the nerve to knock on her door, offering up his battered box of Scrabble and another case of beer. 

She let him in with a smile that could’ve lit up the night sky, and he spent the rest of the night on a mission to keep said smile on her face. 

When, at some point in the wee hours of the morning, Ben returned to his own apartment and flopped down headfirst into his pillow, a little bit drunk and a stupid amount giddy, his abs were sore from laughing so hard. He slept soundly that night, safe in the knowledge that he succeeded in his mission. 

He did not, however, win a single game of Scrabble.

*** 

“There is no way Muzjiks is a real word.” Rey cried out indignantly as he placed the letter “s” in its new spot on the board. 

“Wanna bet?” Ben smirked, crossing his arms as he leaned back into his couch smuggly. “Because I promise it is.”

Rey scoffed, grabbing for her battered Webster’s dictionary - which she insisted on using despite their perfectly functional cellphones - and dropping it down on the coffee table before her with a dramatic thud.

“Yeah well, you also promised that Marriage Story was a happy movie, so forgive me if I’m not in any rush to trust you.”

Ben smiled as he watched her flip to the M’s, unable to stop himself. Rey was adorable when she was frustrated. In fairness, she was also adorable when she was concentrating, or confused, or elated, or just generally breathing at all. So basically always. She was always adorable. Yeah.

He loved watching her cute button nose scrunch up while her soft pink lips pursed to the left side of her face. Her eyes would race across the pages in search of the elusive answer as she chewed on the inside of her mouth, and he found himself memorizing every subtle movement.

They were a week into their nightly ritual now, and if it weren’t for his TV and phone beating him over the head with bad news, he would’ve gladly screamed to the rooftops that life was actually quite swell. Dreamy, in fact. Worth living and smiling about and maybe even making sappy playlists for. In fact, life was so grand that dancing around the kitchen humming old Frank Sinatra tunes while baking fattening desserts in the middle of the afternoon on a Tuesday suddenly seemed like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

What had started as a simple exchange of goods had quickly evolved into an unspoken routine whereby one person supplied a game or activity, while the other decided on a meal. They rotated apartments every night, both desperate to get out of the 12x12 box they were stuck in by day, and spent the evenings battling over Stratego pieces and bartering over brownies before settling in on the couch to watch whatever random show or movie the night’s “Champion of Games” landed on in the Prime queue. 

Every night with her was surreal, like something straight out of his dreams. She was lovely and funny and kind. All the things he wasn’t. But he found that he wanted to be, for her. He wanted to be so many things for her, if only so that he’d feel worthy of any of the time she was giving him so freely. 

He never expected to be more to her than someone to pass the lonely days with while they were all locked inside. So to say he was shocked when later that very evening he’d leaned over to turn off the light only to find Rey plopping a pillow down on his lap would’ve been more than a bit of an understatement. 

“I’m really glad you’re here Ben.” She whispered, burrowing against him with a contented sigh as the intro music to whatever movie she’d selected began to play. 

“Me too.” He murmured, reaching for the throw blanket to the side of the couch and pulling it over her gently. 

_More than you know._

***

Ben loved his mother. Really he did. She was feistier than a horsefly, stubborn enough to kill a man by sheer force of will, and more persistent than any reasonable person had any right to be, but that was just Leia. Those very traits were what his father claimed he loved most about her, and they’d served Ben well enough as an awkward adolescent, so oft the target of bullies and the like. She also had many other redeeming qualities, like her kind smile and her warm hugs, tossed in with her unfailing willingness to forgive him his numerous trespasses. 

So yeah, he loved his mother. More than he knew how to express. Which was why, in an attempt to be the halfway decent son he had struggled for so long to be, he’d called her to check in. 

That was his first mistake. 

His second mistake was assuming that he would somehow manage to have a conversation with her without divulging his deepest, darkest secrets. Because honestly, after 30 years of being her son, he really should’ve known better. 

“Are you sure you don’t want to come home Sweetheart?” 

“Yes Mom, I’m sure.” He replied, carefully placing the cookie sheet in the oven and setting the timer with his one free hand. “The Governor has made it clear that we’re not supposed to be traveling to visit family unless we have to.”

“Oh screw what the Governor says.”

Ben nearly dropped the cookie sheet, removing the phone from his ear and looking down at it, positive he must’ve heard her wrong. There was no way, absolutely no way that his former Senator of a mother had just said those words out loud. 

“Mom…” He replied slowly, “Did you seriously just tell me to disregard an executive order?”

“Well I-“

“Because I’m pretty sure I recall you telling me to obey the law at penalty of death as a child.” 

He was grinning by the time he finished his sentence, visualizing the grimace on his mother’s face like she was standing in right there in front of him. 

“Yes, yes, I know. And she’s doing the right thing. I know that. But I want to see my son. And aren’t you going crazy cooped up there?” 

Ben crossed the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out the leftover green bean casserole from the previous night's dinner with Rey. “I’m doing fine Mom. It really hasn’t been that bad.”

He dumped the remaining veggies on his plate and spread the pile around before balancing the fork in his mouth and turning to the microwave. 

“But you must be lonely there, all by yourself…”

“I’m not by myself.” He replied from around the fork now waiting between his teeth, placing his food in the microwave and hitting start without thinking twice about what he’d said. 

It wasn’t until he turned back around and removed the fork that it occurred to him that his mother had not responded. 

“You’re… _not_ by yourself?” 

Ben flinched. “I’m not… I mean… technically…”

“Ben…” Leia’s voice had dropped an octave or three, the end of his name falling off her tongue just like it had when he’d been caught in a lie as a child. “Who are you with?”

“No one.” He grimaced, though technically it wasn’t a lie. “I’m by myself, I swear.”

“What’s this I hear about Ben having friends?”

Ben groaned at the sound of his father’s voice in the background. 

“Here, let me put him on-”

“Mom, no, come on. Don’t put me on speaker.”

“Ah, there it is.” His mother’s pleased voice echoing distantly in his ear. “Say hi to your father.”

Ben’s head fell back against his neck as he grumbled out a “Hi Dad,” knowing full well that this conversation was now officially shot to hell.

“Hey Kiddo. How’s the quarantine treating you?”

“Fine.” Ben replied with a huff, grateful for the distraction of the microwave beeping behind him. “It’s been fine. Glad to hear that you two haven’t killed each other yet.”

“Psh.” Han scoffed, and Ben could practically hear his father’s smirk through the phone. “Me and your mom haven’t gotten along this well since… well… honestly I’m not sure we’ve ever gotten along this well.” 

The next sound Ben heard was his mother _giggling_ , and that right there was just way too much. 

“As nice as that is to hear,” He groaned, taking one look at the food on his plate and deciding it was going to have to wait until he didn’t want to gag anymore, “Can you _please_ spare me the sound effects?” 

“Han, seriously” 

“Oh fine” Han grumbled. “We’ll pick that up later.”

“ _Jesus_ Dad!” Ben yelped, holding his throat to force back his gag reflex. 

“Sorry Sweetheart.” His mother replied, sounding at least moderately apologetic. “Just ignore your father.”

“Hey!”

“So, who is this mystery person you’ve been spending time with? Did you finally meet some of your neighbors?”

Sensing an opportunity to make the situation marginally less painful, Ben found himself rolling with the truth. “Yeah actually. My neighbor next door and I have been hanging out.”

“That’s great Honey!” Leia exclaimed brightly.

“Right. Yeah, so I’m not lonely.” He nodded to himself, fidgeting with the fork on his plate. “Getting plenty of socialization. Nothing to worry about.” 

“If you say so.” He could practically hear his mother’s shrug across the phone, “You two hanging out tonight?”

The buzzer on the oven started dinging just as she finished her question, distracting him enough that he didn’t think twice before replying, “Yeah she’s coming over for dinner in a few.”

Ben froze with his hand in the oven, the gravity of his slip up washing over him just in time for his mother to yell “SHE?!?”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

“Wait, wait, wait. I couldn’t have heard that right. Leia, did our son just say he’s got a girl coming over?”

This time, Ben didn’t bother to stifle his groan. 

“Don’t make a fuss about it Han. There’s no reason why Ben can’t be friends with a girl.” He could hear his father’s scoff in the background, though his mother valiantly attempted to power on. “You are just friends, right Sweetheart?”

“Mom, seriously?”

“What? It’s a fair question. I have no evidence that you’d actually _tell_ _me_ if you _were_ dating someone, you know.”

Ben grumbled, placing the cookie tray down on the counter. “No, we’re not dating Mom.” 

“Well do you like her?” His mother, bless her, had the uncanny ability to hit him where it hurt without even trying, as if she could see right through him, despite the fact that she literally couldn’t see him at all.

“Yeah. I mean, of course I do. She’s...” _Beautiful. Funny. Spunky as all get up. My dream girl, wrapped up in oversized college sweatshirts with bunny slippers as the bow._

He sighed, pushing the oven mit off and running his hand through his hair anxiously. “She’s great. But we’re just… friends.”

“I see.” There was a pause. “Any chance you maybe want to be more than just friends?”

He knew the answer, but there was no way in hell he was admitting it to Leia. “We’ve barely been hanging out a few weeks, Mom.”

“So?” Han piped in. “Took me all of 30 seconds to figure out your mom was the one for me. The moment she opened her mouth and called me Flyboy I knew I was doomed.”

Ben ran his hand down his face, sighing heavily. “It’s…”

“Look, kid. At the end of the day, there’s only one question we actually need you to answer about this girl.”

“Yeah?” He peered out from between his fingers, hesitating before saying, “And what’s that?”

“When can your mother and I expect some grandkids?”

Ben’s stomach dropped as he squeezed the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “Aaaand that’s where this conversation ends.” 

“Sweetheart wait!” His mother practically begged before turning away from the phone to yell at his father. “Han you idiot! You couldn’t keep your mouth shut for two seconds?” 

“What!? You know you wanted to ask!”

“But that doesn’t mean I was _going to_ , you insufferable goon!” 

As if summoned by the turn of their conversation, Rey chose that moment to knock on his door, saving him from whatever embarrassment he was doomed to face if he stayed on the phone with his parents a minute longer. 

“Mom, I’ve got to go. Rey’s here.”

“Rey?” Leia replied, her tone pitched high in a question. “Oh what a lovely name. Do you have any pictures? Will you send us one?”

_“Mom.”_

“Right. Sorry, sorry. Go enjoy your dinner.”

“Thank you.” He sighed, sucking in a deep breath in an attempt to calm his racing nerves. “Stay safe. I love you both.”

“We love you too Honey.” Leia replied.

With a dramatic click, he ended the call and nearly tripped over his own feet as he crossed the kitchen to open the door for his neighbor. 

Rey didn’t even glance his way as she shuffled in unceremoniously, her feet cloaked in the same duck slippers she’d worn that first night she’d shown up for toilet paper and her arms full of various odds and ends. 

“I hope you’ve brought your A game tonight.” She announced as she dropped the contents on his counter. “Because I brought my drunk Jenga game from college and I fully intend to kick your ass.” 

Smiling like the fool he was, he nodded, ready to let her do just that. And she did. Kick his ass that is. Though he would’ve been lying if he said he didn’t purposely fail a few times just to hear the beautiful sound of her drunken giggling. 

It was a night much like all the rest, filled with laughter, drinking, and food dripping down their faces. The only difference was that this time he couldn’t shake the thought his parent’s had planted from his mind. 

Rey had never made any indication that she wanted to be anything more than friends, which was why he, in an effort to not fall madly in love with her, had firmly placed himself in the friend zone. 

So what if his chest tightened when she smiled at him, or goosebumps popped up on his skin whenever she came too close? He didn’t have a lot of experience with the whole “friends” thing, but from what he could tell from all the sitcoms they’d been watching, it wasn’t out of the ordinary to be attracted to one's friends. Besides, it was sort of a prerequisite that one should like them. 

He just happened to like a lot of things about Rey. Like her laugh, for example, and the color of her eyes. He liked the way she wore her hair up in that weird three bun style, but also the way it framed her face on the rare occasion when she left it down. He liked her freckles and the way her nose scrunched up when she was trying not to laugh at one of his terrible jokes. He _really_ liked her accent, especially when it was used to teasingly say his name. He liked that she only swore in “the King’s English” and that she pinched his side whenever he slipped up and used “one of those vulgar American cuss words”. He liked that she spoke her mind without caring one bit what he thought and that she was equally as competitive when it came to board games as him. He liked the way she hummed to herself without realizing it and the way the sound of her voice made him feel like all his worries could just wash away. He’d even grown to like the duck slippers she wore on her feet, so much so that the mere sight of them was enough to bring a smile to his face. 

Honestly, there wasn’t a single thing he _didn’t_ like about Rey. Even the things that drove him nuts about other people were somehow made endearing when she was involved. 

So yeah, you could say he really liked Rey. 

Loved her, honestly. 

It didn’t matter that he’d only known her a few weeks. She was already the best friend he’d probably ever had. She made him feel seen, and heard, and cared for in a way he never had before. He wasn’t sure what he would do if they woke up one day and all of this was over - the days spent at home, waiting for evening to come just so he could see her piercing smile and her bright, beautiful eyes. But he wasn’t going to worry about that now. She was there, she was real, and he was happy. Screw his parents and their pressure for there to be something more. 

He’d take whatever she gave him gladly and wouldn’t ask for anything she wasn’t willing to give. And if he _was_ secretly in love with her… well… that was his burden to bear. 

Rey was his sunshine on an otherwise gloomy day, and he’d do whatever it took to keep her. 

Even if it meant letting her break his heart. 

***

“What’s wrong?”

It was funny really, how well she already knew him. He’d barely even opened the door before the words came rushing out of her mouth. 

“Nothing.” He answered, moving out of the way to let her inside.

“Well that’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one.” She scolded, setting down the food she’d brought.

Ben sighed, running his hand through his hair as he let the door close behind him. “Really, don’t worry about it. How was your day?”

Rey turned, crossing her arms over her chest as she leveled him with a knowing glare. “Ben.”

“Rey.”

Rolling her eyes with an exasperated sigh, Rey turned to his cabinet, pulled down a whiskey glass and the first bottle of Scotch she could find. “Fine. If you don’t want to talk to me, then I won’t make you.” She poured two generous glasses before turning and forcing one into his hand, lifting her own and clinking them together before throwing hers back in one gulp. “My day was perfectly average, by the way. Thank you for asking.”

Ben gave a curt nod, replying, “Good, I’m glad.”

A tense silence settled between them as Rey continued to eye him over the top of her glass. He didn’t know how she did it, but something about her expectant stare made him feel as though he was about to burst, and she was merely giving him the time and space to accept it. 

With a sigh of defeat, Ben turned to stare blankly at his microwave, lifting the glass and taking a long drag. “It’s just work.” 

“It’s that jerk of a boss again, isn’t it?”

Ben nodded. 

Naively, he’d hoped that things at work would calm down slightly, what with world markets coming to a screeching halt and all that. Perhaps Snoke wouldn’t continue to expect him to work 70+ hours a week like he usually did and his evenings spent with Rey would be able to remain sacred. 

He should’ve known better. He didn’t need to be in the room with the man to feel his cold, icy stare. The one that screamed _you’re worthless_ and _I expected more of you_. 

Ben worked his ass off, had for years now, and for what? He made good money, but he had nothing and no one to spend it on. There was no one at the office he’d consider a friend. Sure, he’d occasionally grab lunch to go with Hux or Phasma, but that wasn’t because he genuinely enjoyed their company or anything. While he was pretty good at what he did, he didn’t particularly like it, and if he stopped to think about it, he was quite sure he’d rather be doing something else. 

All in all, he was pretty miserable, and work kept him so busy that there was never time to discover other things he might enjoy. Taking time to hang out with Rey was the first thing he’d done for himself in ages, and even this had more or less come about by complete accident. He’d forgotten how nice it was to sit down for dinner and focus on nothing but the food and the conversation. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed board games, and movies, and drinking for the pleasure of it rather than as a buffer for his nerves.

“Hmm.” Rey hummed, pursing her lips as she set her glass down on the counter behind her. “Have you thought about quitting? Finding a new job? One where they treat you better?”

Ben drained the rest of his whiskey to hide his scoff. His job had been his whole life for as long as he cared to remember. It wasn’t as simple as just walking away. Snoke would make it next to impossible, and he’d never give him a reference, which he’d need if he was going to justify the near decade’s worth of time he’d devoted to First Order. It didn’t help that he didn’t really know what he’d want to do instead. Not to mention that unemployment was at levels unseen since the Great Depression. It wasn’t like there were other options right now. He was lucky to have the job he _did_ have. 

He shrugged. “I don’t know.”

Rey was quiet for a moment, then she approached, running her hand over his arm. “Just think about it, okay? You should be happy Ben. You deserve to be happy.” 

Looking down at her in that moment, he almost believed her.

***

He’s not quite sure how it happened. One minute she was leaping off the couch, tackling him to the ground as he held the last crab Rangoon over his head, and the next he was kissing her. Or she was kissing him. Or they were kissing each other. Or… well, the point was, kissing was happening. 

If he wasn’t able to _feel_ her hands in his hair, and _smell_ her familiar floral shampoo, and _taste_ the wine they’d shared on her tongue as it slipped inside his mouth with a groan that broke his brain for a second, he’d be pretty sure he was dreaming. Or dead. But dead seemed less likely, because there was no way Hell was going to feel this good. 

The shock of it had only just begun to wear off when she pulled back, strands of her soft brown hair caressing his face as the lamp light in the corner illuminated her outline in a warm glow. She looked like an angel. His own personal salvation, sent down from above to show him what it looked like to be truly alive. 

It took him a moment to compute that she was straddling him, one hand caressing his face while the other held her aloft above him. He watched as her eyes trailed upward from his chest to his lips until finally settling on his, burning with hope and fear and desire. 

Before he could think better of it, he pounced. What happened next was chaos. Beautiful, wonderful chaos. In his rush to claim her mouth, he’d forced himself upward, pulling her further onto his lap before burying his fingers in her hair. She moaned against his tongue as it licked its way across the roof of her mouth, growing harder by the second as she rolled her hips against his. 

_“Ben.”_ His name on her lips was like a drug. One he’d gladly turn junkie for. All he wanted was her. Only her. More than he’d ever wanted anything in his whole life. And here she was, offering herself up to him on a silver platter. 

Who the hell was he to turn her away?

***

The first time he made her come was with his tongue plunging inside of her, getting drunk off her succulent nectar before capturing her clit between his lips and flicking his tongue against it until she was screaming out every one of the filthy words she’d claimed she’d never say. 

The second time was slower. Ben took his time to caress every inch of her body with both his hands and his mouth. He watched her carefully as his fingers caressed that spot deep within that he couldn’t reach with his tongue, watching her come undone beneath him as she panted his name repeatedly, denying her attempts to kiss him with a dangerous grin. When he left her, ever so slowly, she watched him lift his soaked fingers to his lips, sucking them dry with a moan. 

The third time they came together, his cock buried inside of her as she rode him from her spot on his lap, his name and hers cried out together as they made sweet music to the tune of their mutual undoing. 

He remained buried inside her for a long time after that, kissing her senseless as she spasmed gently around his softening cock. When finally he let her release him and he pulled her head down onto his chest, it was her turn to slip her fingers down into her folds, drenching them in a mixture of her cum and his. She licked them slowly, curiously, her eyes holding his in the glimmer of the moonlight, and he hardened so fast he made her come around him again. 

He woke the next morning to her tongue tracing down the length of him, smiling up slyly when he jolted, knitting his fists in her sheets as he groaned. “Fuck. _Rey.._. W-what are you-“

Her tongue flicked against his throbbing balls and he gasped, thrusting upward. 

“I wanted to say thank you.” She purred, pressing her hands into his thighs to hold him down beneath her. She kissed her way up the underside of his cock before stopping to lick the pre-cum off his weeping tip. “And I like the way you taste.”

Ben choked, craning his neck to watch her. “You do?”

“Oh yes.” She smiled, holding his gaze as she sucked gently on his head. “I _love_ it.” 

He believed her, if only because when she finally let him come - _hard_ \- she swallowed down every drop with a satisfied hum. 

The moment he returned from his blissed out state of ecstasy and took one look at the woman who was crawling back up his body like a minx, he tackled her, both of them laughing themselves breathless until he threw her over his shoulders and carried her to shower where he proceeded to worship her like the goddess she was. 

The water was freezing and the mirror fogged up by the time they finally stumbled out of the bathroom, Rey pushing him out the door so that he could be back in his own home in time for his first meeting. He left her with a languid kiss, and promises of more later that night, unable to wipe the grin off his face, even as he entered his apartment alone.

***

She was supposed to be there by now, and Rey was never late. 

He’d typed out and erased at least twenty text messages over the last half hour, fumbling for what to say as his thoughts spiraled further with each passing minute. 

There were only two possible explanations for why she wouldn’t have come over as planned: 

  1. She’d fallen asleep



Or

  1. She hated him



Logically, he knew the first answer seemed more likely. But in his experience, it was better to bank on the worst case scenario. 

While he’d spent the better part of the day preoccupied with thoughts of her soft lips and wayward hands, she’d likely spent her free hours alone coming to the not altogether surprising realization that it was all a big mistake. 

And it was a mistake. For her anyway. Rey could do so, so much better than him. She _deserved_ so much better. She was sunlight itself, bright and brilliant and beautiful. All he brought to the table was darkness, his whole demeanor dreary and depressing. 

Then there was the matter of what they’d done to each other. He _thought_ she’d enjoyed herself at least half as much as he had last night, which would still mean she’d had a pretty damn swell time. But he couldn’t ignore the fact that there had been some alcohol involved. What if he’d misunderstood what had happened? He’d been so caught up in his own ecstasy. Had he read her all wrong? Were the screams and moans he thought had been from pleasure actually from pain? Had he _hurt_ her?

Ben sank down to the floor of his room, throwing his head back against the wall as he gulped down the angry tears threatening to fall. 

He’d never forgive himself if he’d hurt her. Not ever. She was one of the only good things in his life. He didn’t care if he only ever had one night with her. It was more than he ever should’ve had anyway. He just needed to know she was okay. She had to be okay.

His hands were buried in his hair, threatening to tear out the black strands root by root when he heard the first muffled cough from the other side of the wall. Not a minute later, he heard it again, louder and longer this time, followed by what sounded an awful lot like wheezing. 

Scrambling to his feet, he pressed his head against the shared wall between their rooms. He’d heard her over there before, the sound of her loud pop music playing during the workday, but he’d never realized just how thin the walls truly were until now. 

He could hear her heavy breathing, broken up by sporadic coughs. She went silent for a moment and then he startled back at the sound a groan of utter dismay followed by shattered glass.

His fists were in the wall before he even realized what he was doing, pounding against it and calling out her name. 

“Rey! What’s going on? Are you okay?”

She mumbled something incoherent, and then he was off, tearing from his room and out his door until he was standing in front of hers, banging with as much restraint as he could muster. 

“Rey?” He called out, waiting for an answer that didn’t come. “Please Rey. I’m so sorry about last night. If you never want to see me again, I understand. I just need to know that you’re okay.” He dropped his head against the door in defeat. “Please be okay.” 

The door moved beneath him, so slightly that if he hadn’t been pressing all his weight against it he likely would’ve never known. 

“ _Ben.”_ Her voice was raspy and weak.

“Rey?” Ben rested his hand on the door, leaning in to try and catch a glimpse of her. “Are you… are you sick?” 

Rey groaned from behind the door, a dull thud the only real indication that she was actually there. “I’m so sorry.” 

Relief surged through him, mixing with the rising dread of what that might mean. “No. No Rey don’t be. I was… I’m just… can I come in?”

“Ben no!” She sounded miserable, and he wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms. “You have to...” *cough* “...stay away.”

Ben scoffed, shaking his head at the door between them. “Rey, I think it’s a little late for that.”

“But…”

“No.” He pushed slightly on the door, feeling it give way beneath his hand. “If you don’t want me here, then I’ll go. But I....” He hesitated. “I don’t want you to be alone.”

Silence dragged on for a few agonizing moments, and then the door opened just a crack more, giving him exactly enough room to slip in sideways before it slammed closed behind him.

Rey was bundled up in the largest of her many sweatshirts, her legs covered in fairy pajamas that looked as if they belonged on a child. But it was her face that drew his attention most. She looked pale, her nose and eyes red, the aura of misery surrounding her from inside of the hood she’d pulled tight around her face. 

“I don’t know how I got it.” She sniffled, holding back the tears he could tell waiting to fall. “I only ever go to the grocery store. But now I’ve exposed you too and I… I…”

Ben pulled her in close, distancing be damned, running his hand down her back in what he desperately hoped was a comforting gesture. “Shhhhh.” He murmured, “It’s okay Rey. For all we know, I’m the one who gave it to you.” 

“No, but I…”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay? You don’t need to feel guilty. You just need to get better. Will you let me help you?”

Rey mumbled something indiscernible into his chest, but he took her tightening grip to mean yes. 

“Good.” He said, pulling her back so he could get a better look at her. “Now, what are you feeling?”

***

He took the week off work. Snoke was furious, but so what? He had enough unused PTO built up to take a six month sabbatical if he wanted to. It was time he actually used it for something. 

Admittedly it would’ve been more fun to go somewhere exciting - maybe take Rey with him if she was amenable to such a thing - but instead he settled for moving himself into Rey’s apartment for the foreseeable future, which was still its own kind of thrill.

Ben was no doctor, but he’d spent enough time listening to the news of late to know that the odds on favorite for what was plaguing Rey was the same nasty virus that had brought them together in the first place. She had a terrible cough, accompanied by body aches and fatigue. The nausea came in waves, as did the fever, but the nights were always the worst. 

The first night he slept on the couch, only to be woken by her wet cough and whimpering cries. She’d reached up and sobbed into his chest the moment he went barreling to her bedside, nearly hyperventilating from the fear of whatever nightmare plagued her. 

From that point on he slept on an air mattress on the floor of her room, though calling what he was doing sleeping would’ve been very generous. 

It was hard to see her like this. Not because she was sick or disheveled, but because she was in pain. He hated seeing her in pain. The only thing that kept him from breaking down himself was her fierce adherence to her equally amusing and frustrating stubborn streak. 

“Do you want to get tested?”

“No.”

“Chicken noodle or chicken and gnocchi?”

“No.”

“I think I’m going to use this opportunity to make you watch a horror movie.”

“Oh _hell_ no.”

“Can I at least call your doctor?”

“No.”

That one had been a point of contention that Ben was unwilling to let go. “Why not?”

Rey had rolled over, burrowing further into her sheets so that he barely heard her when she finally mumbled, “I don’t have one.”

There wasn’t time to unpack that, so instead he did the only thing he could do and called his own.

“She doesn’t want to risk getting others sick by leaving to get tested… yes, I know the risk I’m taking… I feel fine… Look, Dr. Kalonia, I know she’s not your patient, but she doesn’t have a doctor and I need help… Yes, my mother is aware… No, she’s not having my… Is this entirely relevant…?”

Turns out, health care in this country was complicated. So much so that asking your own doctor for medical advice about a person outside your own family had the potential to get people in trouble. Something about a HIPAA violation? Rey not being his wife or his sister or even technically his girlfriend made it all something of a mess. But despite the invasive personal questions and the awkward knowing silences, having a family friend as a doctor had it upsides. 

Dr. Kalonia said there wasn’t a whole lot more he could do on top of what they already were. She needed water and rest. Tylenol could help too. If the symptoms got worse, or she had difficulty breathing at any point, he needed to take her in. Otherwise, it was just one of those things. Misery was sure to follow, but you just had to ride out the storm. 

By day he watched over her, bringing her hot soup and other liquids, changing her sweat-soaked sheets and placing cold compresses to her burning forehead. When she was feeling up to it, he’d help her out to the living room and put on a show, or read to her from the book she’d started a few days before the virus had taken hold. She’d glare at him whenever he touched her, telling him it would be his own damn fault when he got “the plague” too, but he didn’t care. If he caught it he caught it. He’d deal with that when the time came. For now, she needed him, and neither gods nor men were going to keep him from being there. 

***

“H-hey Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Doing what?”

“Taking care of me.”

Ben rolled over on his air mattress, looking up at Rey’s back. He could see her shivering, despite the layers upon layers of blankets she was buried beneath, and he had to fight back to urge to wrap himself around her as well. “I’d do anything for you Rey.”

“But why?”

Maybe it was the soothing calm of the darkness around them. Maybe it was the fact that he was half a room away from her and only half awake. Maybe it was the way her voice broke over the words in a way that had nothing to do with the virus and everything to do with how scared she was of the answer. Or maybe it was because it was true, and she deserved to know it. 

Whatever the reason, the words came all the same. There, whispered in the darkness, devoid of the fear he would’ve expected given the stakes, he answered her as honestly as he could, 

“Because I love you.”

***

_5 Months Later_

“You’re shaking Love.” 

Ben’s grip on the steering wheel tightened briefly, and then he dropped his right hand down to take hers across the console. 

“Sorry.”

Rey chuckled, shaking her head fondly. “It’s just your parents Babe.”

“Yeah I know.”

“So… aren’t I the one who should be nervous?”

“It’s just… I don’t know. They get… weird, sometimes. And I don’t want them to make you uncomfortable.”

Rey looked at him for a long moment and then burst out laughing. 

Ben glowered at her petulantly before turning back to face the road, grumbling to himself under his breath. 

“ _Ben_.” Rey whined, her body still shaking slightly from the force of her laughter. “ _Baby_. I have talked to them before you know.”

“Sure, but it’s different in person. They can _corner_ you…”

“Oh _please_.”

“I’m serious.”

Rey studied him in silence for a long while before she sat back against the passenger seat. “If it makes you feel any better, I’d quite like to be cornered by your dad...”

“Rey...” He growled.

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding.” Rey rubbed his leg soothingly. “But seriously, Ben. There is nothing they could say or do that would scare me away.”

Ben sighed. “You say that _now_ …”

“And I mean it always.” She stated with finality. “I love you Benjamin. At some point, you’re just going to have to get used to it.”

He was never going to get used to it, but that wasn’t going to stop him from loving her back with everything he had. 

She’d recovered from the virus in a little under two weeks, and he’d miraculously managed to scrap by with nothing more than a slight fever and the occasional headache. They’d both gotten the antibodies test a few weeks ago, confirming what they’d already known. It didn’t mean they were safe forever, but it did appease his mother enough that she insisted they come for a visit, because apparently her desire to hug the woman who’d convinced her son to finally quit his dreadful job and smile more often than he frowned outweighed her will to live. 

Regardless, it wasn’t actually his parents that had him nervous today. He knew Rey had started texting and calling his mom without him around almost immediately after their first Zoom call. What the two of them schemed about, he didn’t even want to know. He couldn’t be upset with either of them anyway. Rey’d never had real parental figures in her life, and Leia had always wanted a daughter. He’d hear them chatting away while he cooked dinner at night, or would lean over Rey’s shoulder when he caught her smiling down at her phone to see pictures of baby Ben staring back at him.

No, what had him on edge today was what _he_ had to corner his mother about. His lease had ended a little more than a month ago, and rather than continue bobbing back and forth between their two separate apartments, she’d insisted he move in with her. He’d been worried it might’ve been too soon, but if the sex they had afterward was any indication, she did _not_ agree. And so, since the pandemic started, he not only started sleeping with the woman of his dreams, he was also living with her too. 

Who’d have thought?

Ben wasn’t naive. Rey was still young. Life was hardly back to a state of normalcy. The blissful quarantine they were enjoying together wouldn’t go on forever and there was a lot they’d need to get through before they took any more big steps forward. He knew that. Really, he did. But he didn’t know when he’d next see his parents, and if the last few months were any indication, a lot could happen between now and then. He wanted to be ready.

They pulled up the driveway of his childhood home, the landscaping looking as good as it ever had, and were immediately intercepted by his mother.

“Oh Rey!” Leia cried, enveloping Rey in a bear hug the moment she’d cleared herself from the car door. “Darling, it is so good to finally hug you.”

Ben watched fondly as the two held each other, rocking back and forth with tears in their eyes. He was startled by a hand on his shoulder, his father appearing behind him, eyeing the two women with a knowing smirk. “Hey Kiddo.”

“Hi Dad.” Ben smiled, turning to give his dad a brief hug. “Yard looks good.”

“Thanks” Han grunted. “Had a lot of time on my hands, you know? Damn garage wouldn’t let me come in to get more parts for the Falcon, so your mother put me to work.”

Ben chuckled, shaking his head as he looked toward the garage, where he knew his father’s beloved pet project sat waiting to be tinkered with. “You should let Rey take a look at her. She worked as a mechanic in college.”

“Oh yeah?” Han’s perked up, dropping his hand from Ben’s shoulder and walking toward the two women. “I knew I liked her. Leia, let the poor girl go! It’s my turn.”

Leia and Rey broke away long enough for him to kiss his mother hello, and before he could even extricate himself from her hug, Han had already whisked Rey off to the garage. 

“Oh great.” Leia bemoaned, hands on her hips as they watched the two of them fawn over the old junker that was the Millennium Falcon. “Not her too.”

Ben smirked despite himself, shoving his hands in his pockets as he watched Rey’s face light up with delight as she poured over the car’s engine. 

“Careful Sweetheart, you might not get her back.” He looked down at his mother, to find her watching them fondly. 

“Like you’d be mad.”

Leia laughed, wrapping her arm around his waist. “No, you’re right. She can stay.”

Ben wrapped his own arm around her shoulders and squeezed, prompting Leia to turn and look up at him.

“Ben? What is it?”

Leave it to his mother to read into a simple _hug_. 

He’d wanted to do this closer to their departure to avoid the knowing looks from his mother for the rest of their visit. But he was, as always, incapable of hiding anything from Leia, and it was unlikely that Rey and Han would be leaving the garage for the foreseeable future, which meant that now was as good an opportunity as he was likely to get. And so, with a deep sigh, tinged with hope, anxiety, and overwhelming amount of love, he asked the question.

“Mom, do you still have Grandma Padme’s ring?”

He looked down to find Leia beaming at him, her face alight with pride. “Oh Honey, I was hoping you would ask.”


End file.
